is it over before its begun?
i needed to write down everything otherwise it was gonna play on my mind and i will never get past it. so without the long version im gonna try and shorten this to the best i can.

first off everyone knows i like matty...its obvious and he likes me too. We have that sorted out. I have this good mate paulee who i adore, we went to school together but never hung out but now we talk and things are great.

I went and saw matty on Thursday and everything was fine. i was txting paulee and matt saw this but wasnt jealous coz paulee and i are mates.

At about 8pm matty sent me a long txt msg saying "hey can u tel paulee 2 stop talkin bout me n sayin things bout me behind my back i dnt appreciate it at al if he has sumfin 2 say he can say it to my face now othas are thinking bd bout me even some of my friends it aint fair im a realy nice guy i dnt go loking for trouble stacey i think u r realy beautiful an wondaful but i dnt want ppl 2 think bad of me wat i realy aint an u know im not that kind of guy 2 lead u on i much enjoy ur company an u know iv tried 2 wana catch up outside of work but u havent replied hmmm just let him know that."

so i messaged paulee and asked him about it and he said he never said anything and that he would ask tash coz she knows matt a bit. Anyway Tash says that she didnt say anything except what paulee said which was how small the world is and that i like matty. so now its frustrated me so much i actually creid for 3 hours, thursday night.

then today greg (one of matty's co workers) sent me a msg
1. what rumours is your friend spreading about matt? he wont tell me
i replied with matty didnt tell me either. i asked my m8 & he hasnt said anythin. only thing that was said was how i like matt & how small the world is. its all become chinese whispers. maybe matt should ask tash.
2. matt said he's gonna snap him out
so i said man its all just gone way out of hand. paulee didnt say anything. i havent said anything. its either tash or 1 of her friends that knows matt more.
3.better find out, he's all fired up.
i replied with i dunno tash. or the friend. paulee only knows tash. as i said matt should ask tash or whoever told him that paulee is saying sh*t. i just cant handle it anymore. its f***ed with my head too much.

its done my head in because i know i never said a bad word about matt, paulee hasnt said anything...so its either tash or the friend of tash's who knows matt more. thing is, i dont know tash or the friend, paulee knows tash but not the friend. the only people that know that friend is tash and matt. So who else could of said something? i dunno any of matts friends and neither does paulee. Yet he is blaming paulee and me.

its made me feel so low that i feel like i did when my ex and i broke up. I cant deal with it. I dont want to end up like that again. But right now as much as i like matt, im so angry at him for threatening my friend, i hate violence. i hate how this is making me feel. Paulee is a good friend of mine and matt is the guy i like, now im stuck in the middle.